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18 February 2012 @ 09:04 am
Pole Follies: Shootout  

It's that time of year, folks: The time when we all try to remember who's in what car with what sponsor with what crew chief for what team, compounded by special Shootout paint schemes that will never be seen again.

Remember: Don't drink and announce.

1. (56) Martin Truex Jr., Toyota, NAPA Auto Parts

I love how NOL has a whole story on Martin's "plan" working out. He just picked a bottle, people.

2. (18) Kyle Busch, Toyota, M&M's

Scrubby, along with half the field, may be going to the back thanks to a massive crash--although NASCAR, as per usual, is counting the number of Big Team Names and withholding judgment on the back-of-pack thing until later, since it's a non-points race.

3. (2) Brad Keselowski, Dodge, Miller Lite

Kezzy was "philosophical" about the big crash, an outlook that will survive until the first crash during an actual race.

4. (1) Jamie McMurray, Chevrolet, Bass Pro Shops/Tracker Boats

McMerry saith: "It's gonna come down to being in the right position and having a little bit of luck."

And Bubbles the Amazing replyeth: "So does every other plate race, dude."

5. (34) David Ragan, Ford, MHP Power Pak Pudding

I was following you right up to the "pudding."

6. (51) Kurt Busch, Chevrolet, Tag Heuer Avante-Garde

Gesundheit.

Oh, wait, that's your sponsor.

7. (16) Greg Biffle, Ford, 3M

Nothing tops Zi Biff for off-season cuteness:



8. (88) Dale Earnhardt Jr., Chevrolet, National Guard/Diet Mountain Dew

Triple Threat Award for the man with small animals lodging in his beard.

9. (22) A.J. Allmendinger, Dodge, Shell/Pennzoil

Ayjay is in a real car with a real sponsor. *extremities crossed*

10. (20) Joey Logano, Toyota, The Home Depot

JPMSOQ for the brat who's finally old enough to pick his own damn qualifying beer bottle.

11. (99) Carl Edwards, Ford, Fastenal

Moderate off-season Flipper inflation.

12. (31) Jeff Burton, Chevrolet, Caterpillar

Dude, we've been through this. You need to qualify 20th to make the Warrant fan happy.

Trust me, you won't like the Warrant fan when she's not happy.

13. (39) Ryan Newman, Chevrolet, Wix Filters

Report: It took a whole crew of engineers to figure out the Shootout eligibility.

14. (24) Jeff Gordon, Chevrolet, Drive to End Hunger

Still?

15. (14) Tony Stewart, Chevrolet, Mobil 1/Office Depot

Close, but no RCSOQ. 'Tis no respecter of championships.

16. (11) Denny Hamlin, Toyota, FedEx Express

Yeah, call me when FedEx can find my house.

17. (15) Clint Bowyer, Toyota, 5-Hour Energy

So, if you give Clint Bowyer an energy drink, does that bring him up to "living"?

18. (48) Jimmie Johnson, Chevrolet, Lowe's

It didn't take long for K-naus to recover his winning ways. The Dead Ferrets Society may withdraw their sponsorship.

19. (5) Kasey Kahne, Chevrolet, Farmers Insurance

How apropos. Farmers would call Kandy the "runt of the litter."

20. (55) Michael Waltrip, Toyota, Aaron's Dream Machine

I think my dream machine is a little bit borked, Mikey. Does Aaron's do repairs?

21. (9) Marcos Ambrose, Ford, Stanley

I'm impressed. One person is still with the same team and same sponsor.

22. (29) Kevin Harvick, Chevrolet, Budweiser

For those who are not following the off-season gossip, Kevin and Delana finally drank the water in the infield and are now expecting.

23. (17) Matt Kenseth, Ford, Best Buy

Hey, whaddya know. My Ellyut Best Buy flag is sorta back to being useful. Wonder if I can change that 19 to a 17.

24. (27) Paul Menard, Chevrolet, Peak/Menards

From the looks of the pictures, Menard got tired of nobody recognizing his car. His is the one that makes people's eyes bleed.

25. (42) Juan Pablo Montoya, Chevrolet, Target

Tarzhay has apparently mastered data-mining to the point they can figure out someone is pregnant before the person knows. Wonder if the Harvicks shop there.

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listening to: Cold Case
 
 
 
deifire on February 18th, 2012 07:48 pm (UTC)
Aww...Biffles!!! :)