1. (56) Martin Truex Jr., Toyota, NAPA Auto Parts
Oh, look. NAPA know-how finally quit singing and kicked in.
2. (22) Kurt Busch, Dodge, Shell/Pennzoil
Triple Threat for Dumbo, who lately has been a triple threat only for Jimbo.
3. (27) Paul Menard, Chevrolet, Pittsburgh Paints/Menards
Aw, lookee who thinks he's a driver.
4. (99) Carl Edwards, Ford, Aflac
Flipper managed to put even Miles to sleep during the NW race.
5. (18) Kyle Busch, Toyota, Interstate Batteries
6. (48) Jimmie Johnson, Chevrolet, Lowe's/Kobalt Tools
You know, if you two would like to take each other out on lap 1 or so, do feel free. Is there a bribe I can offer you?
7. (43) A.J. Allmendinger, Ford, Best Buy
8. (47) Bobby Labonte, Toyota, Grilling.com/Kingsford
Damn. You go, Bobby.
9. (4) Kasey Kahne, Toyota, Red Bull
According to Keith Rodden, Kandy is "smart but shy."
In other words, if I could manage to look like a 12-year-old, I too could be mistaken for Kandy Kahne.
10. (16) Greg Biffle, Ford, 3M Cubitron
Cubitron? This is Optimus Prime's crazy cousin, I'm guessing?
11. (11) Denny Hamlin, Toyota, FedEx Office
RCSOQ for Damnlin and his pretty paisley outfit.
12. (9) Marcos Ambrose, Ford, Stanley
No, not Stanley. Marcos.
13. (31) Jeff Burton, Chevrolet, Caterpillar
CMPSOQ for a man who is entirely too Twitter-happy.
14. (00) David Reutimann, Toyota, Aaron's Dream Machine
Root, I have several complaints about my personal dream machine these days. Where do I send it for repairs?
15. (2) Brad Keselowski, Dodge, Miller Lite
I noticed that somebody named Travis has upped the ante on ankle injuries in NASCAR drivers. He has crutches and pins.
16. (78) Regan Smith, Chevrolet, Furniture Row Companies
1678: The first chrysanthemums are planted in Europe.
Hey, it's hard to find quality factoids these days.
17. (5) Mark Martin, Chevrolet, GoDaddy.com
18. (17) Matt Kenseth, Ford, Crown Royal
Three weeks into my stint as an Official Kenseth Fan, and he's had two fairly crappy races and his wife's broken her shoulder.
This is all maveness' fault, you know.
19. (6) David Ragan, Ford, UPS "We Love Logistics"
Get your damn goat out of my yard, Dave.
20. (39) Ryan Newman, Chevrolet, U.S. Army ROTC
Since I got nothing on Newman, allow me to be irate at the fact that Myttyns just hissed at me for no fucking reason. Stupid cat.
21. (88) Dale Earnhardt Jr., Chevrolet, National Guard/Amp Energy
I got nothing on Junior. Except for the wailing and gnashing of teeth that accompanies his every wobble.
22. (29) Kevin Harvick, Chevrolet, Rheem "Chasing the Cure"
*consults calendar* Oh, right, October. The month when the only important part of a woman is the tits.
23. (1) Jamie McMurray, Chevrolet, McDonald's
This has absolutely nothing to do with Jamie, but why is TNT giving me singing Leverage commercials that don't include a singing Christian Kane? That just seems wrong.
24. (42) Juan Pablo Montoya, Chevrolet, Target
CMPSOQ for da Mantoy.
25. (51) Landon Cassill, Chevrolet, Thank A Teacher Today/Security Benefit
Close but no JPMSOQ. That's what you get for having a prime number.
26. (37) Josh Wise, Ford, Max Q Motorsports
Who are you? And how wise can you be if your first start is at Dover?
27. (33) Clint Bowyer, Chevrolet, Cheerios/Hamburger Helper
28. (14) Tony Stewart, Chevrolet, Office Depot/Mobil 1
Double wins, double RCSOQ.
If he wins three, do we get to see him climb the fence? I miss that more than I thought I would.
29. (46) Scott Speed, Ford, Red Line Oil/International Trucks
I...got nothing on Speed.
30. (83) Brian Vickers, Toyota, Red Bull
31. (30) David Stremme, Chevrolet, Inception Motorsports
They only dreamed they got an RCSOQ.
32. (55) Travis Kvapil, Ford, Front Row Motorsports
Waitaminnit. When did Front Row get the #55?
33. (20) Joey Logano, Toyota, The Home Depot
I wonder if Home Despot can make a paint to match Logano's pallor. Is that shade of white even possible in paint?
34. (24) Jeff Gordon, Chevrolet, Drive to End Hunger
Did we let Leo drive the car or something?
35. (66) Michael McDowell, Toyota, HP Racing LLC
36. (34) David Gilliland, Ford, Front Row Motorsports
See, that's a Front Row number.
37. (71) Andy Lally, Ford, Interstate Moving Services
Lally is feeling Very Light Terra Cotta today.
Hey, it's not like DMC has a Very Light Concrete.
38. (7) Reed Sorenson, Dodge, Speed Energy/Mapei/Menards
I see Professor McGonagall struck again and transfigured Crash into Reed.
39. (13) Casey Mears, Toyota, GEICO
40. (32) Mike Bliss, Ford, Street King
The field is Blissful.
41. (36) Dave Blaney, Chevrolet, Golden Corral
To everyone at Richmond who bloody heckled me for my Dave Blaney shirt: Fuck thee.
42. (87) Joe Nemechek, Toyota, AMFMEnergy.com/Pellet & Wood Stoves
Considering that some places got snow this weekend, I'd say Joe at least managed to get good sponsor timing.
43. (38) J.J. Yeley, Ford, Drive Sober, Arrive Alive
Unless some idiot is driving and texting and runs into you, anyway.
Did Not Qualify
(60) Mike Skinner, Toyota, Big Red
Damn. What's K-naus gonna use for