Pole Follies (pole_follies) wrote,
Pole Follies

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Pole Follies: Dover

Sorry about the skipped weeks. I was recovering from Richmond, and then last week got stuck at my mother's.

1. (56) Martin Truex Jr., Toyota, NAPA Auto Parts

Oh, look. NAPA know-how finally quit singing and kicked in.

2. (22) Kurt Busch, Dodge, Shell/Pennzoil

Triple Threat for Dumbo, who lately has been a triple threat only for Jimbo.

3. (27) Paul Menard, Chevrolet, Pittsburgh Paints/Menards

Aw, lookee who thinks he's a driver.

4. (99) Carl Edwards, Ford, Aflac

Flipper managed to put even Miles to sleep during the NW race.

5. (18) Kyle Busch, Toyota, Interstate Batteries
6. (48) Jimmie Johnson, Chevrolet, Lowe's/Kobalt Tools

You know, if you two would like to take each other out on lap 1 or so, do feel free. Is there a bribe I can offer you?

7. (43) A.J. Allmendinger, Ford, Best Buy


8. (47) Bobby Labonte, Toyota, Grilling.com/Kingsford

Damn. You go, Bobby.

9. (4) Kasey Kahne, Toyota, Red Bull

According to Keith Rodden, Kandy is "smart but shy."

In other words, if I could manage to look like a 12-year-old, I too could be mistaken for Kandy Kahne.

10. (16) Greg Biffle, Ford, 3M Cubitron

Cubitron? This is Optimus Prime's crazy cousin, I'm guessing?

11. (11) Denny Hamlin, Toyota, FedEx Office

RCSOQ for Damnlin and his pretty paisley outfit.

12. (9) Marcos Ambrose, Ford, Stanley

No, not Stanley. Marcos.

13. (31) Jeff Burton, Chevrolet, Caterpillar

CMPSOQ for a man who is entirely too Twitter-happy.

14. (00) David Reutimann, Toyota, Aaron's Dream Machine

Root, I have several complaints about my personal dream machine these days. Where do I send it for repairs?

15. (2) Brad Keselowski, Dodge, Miller Lite

I noticed that somebody named Travis has upped the ante on ankle injuries in NASCAR drivers. He has crutches and pins.

16. (78) Regan Smith, Chevrolet, Furniture Row Companies

1678: The first chrysanthemums are planted in Europe.

Hey, it's hard to find quality factoids these days.

17. (5) Mark Martin, Chevrolet, GoDaddy.com

Go away.

18. (17) Matt Kenseth, Ford, Crown Royal

Three weeks into my stint as an Official Kenseth Fan, and he's had two fairly crappy races and his wife's broken her shoulder.

This is all maveness' fault, you know.

19. (6) David Ragan, Ford, UPS "We Love Logistics"

Get your damn goat out of my yard, Dave.

20. (39) Ryan Newman, Chevrolet, U.S. Army ROTC

Since I got nothing on Newman, allow me to be irate at the fact that Myttyns just hissed at me for no fucking reason. Stupid cat.

21. (88) Dale Earnhardt Jr., Chevrolet, National Guard/Amp Energy

I got nothing on Junior. Except for the wailing and gnashing of teeth that accompanies his every wobble.

22. (29) Kevin Harvick, Chevrolet, Rheem "Chasing the Cure"

*consults calendar* Oh, right, October. The month when the only important part of a woman is the tits.

23. (1) Jamie McMurray, Chevrolet, McDonald's

This has absolutely nothing to do with Jamie, but why is TNT giving me singing Leverage commercials that don't include a singing Christian Kane? That just seems wrong.

24. (42) Juan Pablo Montoya, Chevrolet, Target

CMPSOQ for da Mantoy.

25. (51) Landon Cassill, Chevrolet, Thank A Teacher Today/Security Benefit

Close but no JPMSOQ. That's what you get for having a prime number.

26. (37) Josh Wise, Ford, Max Q Motorsports

Who are you? And how wise can you be if your first start is at Dover?

27. (33) Clint Bowyer, Chevrolet, Cheerios/Hamburger Helper

Clint hasn't

28. (14) Tony Stewart, Chevrolet, Office Depot/Mobil 1

Double wins, double RCSOQ.

If he wins three, do we get to see him climb the fence? I miss that more than I thought I would.

29. (46) Scott Speed, Ford, Red Line Oil/International Trucks

I...got nothing on Speed.

30. (83) Brian Vickers, Toyota, Red Bull

Teh Squish!

31. (30) David Stremme, Chevrolet, Inception Motorsports

They only dreamed they got an RCSOQ.

32. (55) Travis Kvapil, Ford, Front Row Motorsports

Waitaminnit. When did Front Row get the #55?

33. (20) Joey Logano, Toyota, The Home Depot

I wonder if Home Despot can make a paint to match Logano's pallor. Is that shade of white even possible in paint?

34. (24) Jeff Gordon, Chevrolet, Drive to End Hunger

Did we let Leo drive the car or something?

35. (66) Michael McDowell, Toyota, HP Racing LLC


36. (34) David Gilliland, Ford, Front Row Motorsports

See, that's a Front Row number.

37. (71) Andy Lally, Ford, Interstate Moving Services

Lally is feeling Very Light Terra Cotta today.

Hey, it's not like DMC has a Very Light Concrete.

38. (7) Reed Sorenson, Dodge, Speed Energy/Mapei/Menards

I see Professor McGonagall struck again and transfigured Crash into Reed.

39. (13) Casey Mears, Toyota, GEICO


40. (32) Mike Bliss, Ford, Street King

The field is Blissful.

41. (36) Dave Blaney, Chevrolet, Golden Corral

To everyone at Richmond who bloody heckled me for my Dave Blaney shirt: Fuck thee.

42. (87) Joe Nemechek, Toyota, AMFMEnergy.com/Pellet & Wood Stoves

Considering that some places got snow this weekend, I'd say Joe at least managed to get good sponsor timing.

43. (38) J.J. Yeley, Ford, Drive Sober, Arrive Alive

Unless some idiot is driving and texting and runs into you, anyway.

Did Not Qualify

(60) Mike Skinner, Toyota, Big Red

Damn. What's K-naus gonna use for chomping chewing gum, then?

Tags: 2011, dover
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