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18 June 2011 @ 11:52 pm
Pole Follies: Michigan  
You know, I think I've figured out the reason Pole Follies have been so troublesome this year. It's the lack of Ellyut. We must bring him back to Cup immediately.

1. (22) Kurt Busch, Dodge, Shell/Pennzoil

I've heard of summer reruns, but this is ridiculous.

2. (00) David Reutimann, Toyota, Aaron's Dream Machine

Rooty sale!

3. (17) Matt Kenseth, Ford, Crown Royal

At least he's back in his non-pretentious purple this week.

4. (83) Brian Vickers, Toyota, Red Bull

Well, at least we're qualifying better. Maybe now we can work on the finishes.

5. (78) Regan Smith, Chevrolet, Furniture Row Companies

Bubbles the Amazing predicts that no one will mention Regan. Unless he manages to win, at which point Harvick and Busch will promptly forget that they're on probation and Richard Childress will attack the ferret on K-naus' head with a bottle of wine.

6. (14) Tony Stewart, Chevrolet, Office Depot/Mobil 1

Guess this means we're back in the Stewart Summer Doldrums.

7. (16) Greg Biffle, Ford, American Red Cross

Important note from maveness: It appears Biffle has his braces off.

8. (4) Kasey Kahne, Toyota, Red Bull

DSOQ for Kandy.

9. (27) Paul Menard, Chevrolet, Pittsburgh Paints/Menards

Seriously, who decided he could be a race driver?

10. (11) Denny Hamlin, Toyota, FedEx Office

FedEx delivered the wrong oil pans this week, causing JGR a massive NASCAR problem.

11. (56) Martin Truex Jr., Toyota, NAPA Auto Parts

I'm still jealous of the people in the commercial who got pies. I may be slightly shallow.

12. (51) Landon Cassill, Chevrolet, Thank A Teacher Today/Security Benefit

School's out, Lando. Find another sponsor already.

13. (39) Ryan Newman, Chevrolet, U.S. Army 236th Birthday/Bud Moore NASCAR Hall of Fame

Actual conversation topic during my anniversary party: The high trouble potential of a zombie apocalypse featuring No-Neck as a zombie leader.

14. (1) Jamie McMurray, Chevrolet, McDonald's

Alas, poor Jamie. This is not the Bass Boat Song spot.

15. (88) Dale Earnhardt Jr., Chevrolet, Amp Energy/National Guard

If you're not careful, you're gonna win a race one of these days.

Not that I would ever pull for you or anything.

16. (47) Bobby Labonte, Toyota, RainEater/Advance Auto Parts



17. (21) Trevor Bayne, Ford, Motorcraft/Quick Lane Tire & Auto Center

Trevor! Yay! *confetti*

18. (9) Marcos Ambrose, Ford, Dewalt

Another DSOQ.

19. (5) Mark Martin, Chevrolet, GoDaddy.com

I've seen people calling him the forgotten Hendrick car.

If he's so bloody forgotten, why does he keep getting airtime?

20. (6) David Ragan, Ford, UPS "We Love Logistics"

Logistics seem to be working well for Ragan this year.

21. (48) Jimmie Johnson, Chevrolet, Lowe's/Kobalt Tools

Next week on NASCAR Idol: You too can be the next member of Jimmie Johnson's pit crew! Just submit a resume and a hairpiece for K-naus!

Extra points if you bring your own virgin.

22. (29) Kevin Harvick, Chevrolet, Budweiser

The highlight of last week's race was him and Jeffybuhton playing mind games with Kyle Busch.

Teensy mind games, mind you.

23. (99) Carl Edwards, Ford, Aflac

Flipperette sighted in Victory Lane! Film at 11!

24. (18) Kyle Busch, Toyota, Snickers

Yes, you are hearing snickers. Just like Johnson's pit crew.

25. (42) Juan Pablo Montoya, Chevrolet, "Cars 2"

Um. Number of cars needed for Juan Paolo to take out Newman?

26. (43) A.J. Allmendinger, Ford, Best Buy

This is vaguely disappointing for this year's Ayjay.

27. (33) Clint Bowyer, Chevrolet, Cheerios/Hamburger Helper

I really don't have anything on Clint. Do something, Lanternjaw.

28. (38) Travis Kvapil, Ford, Fellowship of Christian Athletes

That is an inappropriate sponsor for the Dread Pyrate Waffle.

29. (87) Joe Nemechek, Toyota, NEMCO Motorsports

Hi Joe.

Bye Joe.

30. (20) Joey Logano, Toyota, The Home Depot

After the Gibbs Oil Pan debacle, Stale Roll proceeded to blow an engine. Guess they forgot to put the approved oil pan back on.

31. (24) Jeff Gordon, Chevrolet, Drive to End Hunger
32. (30) David Stremme, Chevrolet, Inception Motorsports
33. (31) Jeff Burton, Chevrolet, Caterpillar

Does Stremme deserve to be in a Jeffy sandwich?

Do the Jeffs?

34. (46) J.J. Yeley, Chevrolet, Red Line Oil

Ah, yes. Oil slicks and Squash. Perfect combo.

35. (32) Mike Bliss, Ford, blu Cigs

That sponsor looks depressed as well as misspelled. Does it not realize it is supposed to be Blissful?

36. (71) Andy Lally, Ford, TRG Motorsports

3671.... Hm. What color is that?

Ah. It appears that it is not. Good. I thought my memory was going.

37. (7) Robby Gordon, Dodge, Speed Energy

Well, I feel safer. Not.

38. (66) Michael McDowell, Toyota, HP Racing LLC


39. (13) Casey Mears, Toyota, GEICO


40. (34) David Gilliland, Ford, Taco Bell

No quiero. Not today. I've had pizza, hummus and pitas, cheese cubes, salsa and chips, and chocolate cake. I've got enough food in the house for a week.

41. (2) Brad Keselowski, Dodge, Miller Lite

No beer, though. I don't like beer.

42. (36) Dave Blaney, Chevrolet, Golden Corral

*leftover confetti, just because*

43. (81) Scott Riggs, Chevrolet, WhitneysCollision.com

Don't be tempting Riggsy, people.

Did Not Qualify

(37) Tony Raines, Ford, Front Row Motorsports

Rule #34 strikes again.

No, not the fanfic rule #34.

(60) Mike Skinner, Toyota, Big Red

Well, there's one guy who won't be spinning this week.

(92) Brian Keselowski, Dodge, K-Automotive Motorsports

We can't get the good Kezzy? Just once?

Tags: ,
I am: amusedamused
listening to: Supernatural: Born Under A Bad Sign
deifire on June 19th, 2011 04:33 pm (UTC)
What holiday? There is no holiday today, unless we are celebrating "Sitting in My Pajamas Watching This Race and Otherwise Avoiding the World Day." :P

At least he's back in his non-pretentious purple this week.

Finally, the Evil One is back to a sponsor I can afford. Sort of.
lissachicka on June 20th, 2011 01:05 am (UTC)
Next week on NASCAR Idol: You too can be the next member of Jimmie Johnson's pit crew! Just submit a resume and a hairpiece for K-naus!

Extra points if you bring your own virgin.

I figured out that's how come Menaaaahd suddenly decided he could become a driver: he stole K-naus's virgins. And, did Teh Chad go on another firing spree?