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02 April 2011 @ 10:35 pm
Pole Follies: Martinsville  

1. (1) Jamie McMurray, Chevrolet, Widia

RCSOQ for McMerry, in a wacky new sponsor!

2. (39) Ryan Newman, Chevrolet, Haas Automation

Call me silly, but wouldn't that sponsor be more appropriate for "Winning Robot" Kenseth?

3. (4) Kasey Kahne, Toyota, Red Bull

I found myself trying to explain the Dancing Kandy Kahne Allstate commercial to a non-racing friend this week. It was, as you might imagine, extremely difficult.

4. (20) Joey Logano, Toyota, The Home Depot

Last week:

Logano: *blows up*
Me: *squeal*
maveness' father, on the phone: What was that?

5. (11) Denny Hamlin, Toyota, FedEx Ground

*checks watch* Yep, still bitter.

6. (43) A.J. Allmendinger, Ford, Best Buy

Jayski has nothing on Allmendinger. Seriously, most of the stories are about other Petty drivers. Including John Andretti.

7. (47) Bobby Labonte, Toyota, Lance Snacks

Ah, Lance Snacks. The geniuses who once ran an entire radio campaign about having "Lance in your pants," and wondered why the 12-year-olds with advanced vocabulary were reduced to helpless giggles.

8. (00) David Reutimann, Toyota, Aaron's Outdoors Mossy Oak

Hm. Will he be more or less visible in camo on the track?

9. (29) Kevin Harvick, Chevrolet, Budweiser

I find it not at all surprising that Harvick won last week. Johnson and Busch only had to answer to Hendrick and Gibbs. Harvick had to answer to Delana.

10. (78) Regan Smith, Chevrolet, Furniture Row Companies

Regan's crew chief got his wrist slapped for improper weighting at the Snooze Bowl, I mean, Fontana.

11. (18) Kyle Busch, Toyota, Pedigree

He does not.

12. (5) Mark Martin, Chevrolet, Quaker State/GoDaddy.com

From the looks of Jayski, there are going to be many tasteless puns on "Martin-sville" on Sunday. Bleah.

13. (83) Brian Vickers, Toyota, Red Bull

Well, at least it's not 19th. You're starting to freak me out with that, Squishy.

14. (6) David Ragan, Ford, UPS "We Love Logistics"

I'm beginning to think that Ragan and The Goats actually do love logistics. They've been doing much better.

15. (33) Clint Bowyer, Chevrolet, BB&T

1533: According to the Wiki page, Pope Clement VII was so annoyed by Henry VIII that he excommunicated him twice. (Seriously, it's listed twice.)

16. (27) Paul Menard, Chevrolet, NIBCO/Menards

After visiting the website, I'm still not sure what NIBCO makes. But they have a site in Poland.

I always wanted to learn Polish.

17. (48) Jimmie Johnson, Chevrolet, Lowe's

1748: Ruins of Pompeii discovered.

18. (56) Martin Truex Jr., Toyota, NAPA Auto Parts

1856: In honor of the Martinsville train tracks, read about the Great Train Wreck of 1856.

19. (9) Marcos Ambrose, Ford, Dewalt

It seems that Evernham is suing Gillett. Again.

20. (22) Kurt Busch, Dodge, Shell/Pennzoil

I don't know what the announcers were drinking last week--or maybe they were just bored silly, like the rest of us--but at one point, Kurt lost his status as the Busch firstborn.

21. (24) Jeff Gordon, Chevrolet, Drive to End Hunger

You know, if you'd drive a little harder, we could bloody well have ended hunger by now.

22. (2) Brad Keselowski, Dodge, Miller Lite

Number of people who are able to remember that it's Kezzy in the Miller Litemobile: 2, one of whom is actually Kezzy.

23. (99) Carl Edwards, Ford, Aflac

Flipper inflation may be due to Flipper's failure to press for contract renewal.

24. (17) Matt Kenseth, Ford, Crown Royal

All hail Teh Evil.

25. (21) Trevor Bayne, Ford, Motorcraft/Quick Lane Tire & Auto Center

Bayne may have a sponsor for the All-Star Race. Whee!

26. (88) Dale Earnhardt Jr., Chevrolet, Amp Energy/National Guard

Did Junior even bother going to California?

27. (42) Juan Pablo Montoya, Chevrolet, Target

You'd think that short tracks would be the perfect excuse to bring out the special sponsors, rather than tempting fate with giant Targets.

28. (14) Tony Stewart, Chevrolet, Office Depot/Mobil 1

Bluto is getting scarily calm in his old age. He's kinda freaking me out.

29. (36) Dave Blaney, Chevrolet, All Sport Body Quencher

"Body Quencher"? That's the worst name for a sports drink I've ever heard.

Wait. That is a sports drink, right?

30. (13) Casey Mears, Toyota, GEICO

Snrch manages to avoid getting his eponymous SOQ.

31. (38) Travis Kvapil, Ford, Long John Silver's

The Dread Pyrate Waffle's namesake is having a rough time. New kitties in the house will do that.

32. (31) Jeff Burton, Chevrolet, Caterpillar

Close, but no RCSOQ.

33. (16) Greg Biffle, Ford, 3M

Close, but no DSOQ.

34. (7) Robby Gordon, Dodge, Fast Five/Speed Energy

Crash, Fast, Speed--you guys are just begging for cautions.

35. (66) Michael McDowell, Toyota, HP Racing LLC

Old McDowell needs a sponsor, E-I-E-I-O.

36. (34) David Gilliland, Ford, Taco Bell

Yo no quiero. I had Bojangles.

37. (09) Landon Cassill, Chevrolet, Thank A Teacher Today/Security Benefit

The reason maveness was on the phone with her father during the race was because she saw Lando's car and decided to call her mother to "thank a teacher." I'm guessing this had something to do with the previously-imbibed alcohol.

38. (60) Mike Skinner, Toyota, Big Red

Well, if there's ever a track where Spinner can get away with murder, it's Martinsville.

39. (32) Ken Schrader, Ford, VA Mortgage Center

KEN SCHRADER! WHEE!

40. (37) Tony Raines, Ford, Front Row Motorsports

GOOD TONY!

41. (46) J.J. Yeley, Chevrolet, Red Line Oil

TEH SQUASH!

Seriously, I'm getting all my favorite field fillers. Is it Christmas?

42. (71) Hermie Sadler, Chevrolet, Super Eco-Fuel Saver

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

What?

43. (87) Joe Nemechek, Toyota, AMFMEnergy.com

Are we trying to make the nickname ironic?

Did Not Something

(92) Dennis Setzer

NOL had an everybody-qualified list. Jayski, however, lists Setzer as failing to attempt--something about wrecking the car in the first practice. So...yeah. Did Not Something.

 
 
I am: awakeawake
listening to: CSI: "Fur and Loathing"