Pole Follies (pole_follies) wrote,
Pole Follies

Informational Sticky Post

Disclaimer: Pole Follies employs a number of sarcastic and/or fictional terms and nicknames in its weekly reports. No insults are intended to drivers or fans; this is a parody and meant to be fun. Pole Follies reflects only the biases and attitudes of its author and is not meant to be mistaken for any official news source, even if it does have much better grammar and sentence structure.

Common terms and abbreviations
  • The Bass Boat Song: Invoked whenever the #1 qualifies 11th.
  • The Beer Beer Beer Award: Noted whenever beer-sponsored cars qualify together, in any order. Homage to the classic unofficial Agnes Scott College anthem, "Beer Beer Beer."
  • Qualifying Memo: A memo sent out weekly to the drivers at Hendrick Motorsports, telling them in which order they are to appear in the final lineup. When a Hendrick driver qualifies notably better or worse than normal, he either stole someone else's Memo or lost his own.
  • Rule #34: Front Row Motorsports will never qualify decently, if at all, due to the name. Naming your team "Front Row Motorsports" is just begging the Racing Gods to smite you.
  • Triple Threat Award: Given to any driver whose car number in combination with qualifying position produces a number such as 111, 222, 333, etc.
Schools of Qualifying
  • CMPSOQ: "Casey Mears Palindromic School of Qualifying." In the 42, Mears had a habit of qualifying 24th; hence, any driver whose qualifying position is the reverse of his car number.
  • DSOQ: "Dumbo School of Qualifying." A driver qualifies in a position double their car number. Popularized by Kurt "Dumbo" Busch.
  • KKSOQ: "Kasey Kahne School of Qualifying." A driver qualifies in a position in which their car number is physically reversed--the 9 qualifies 6th, for example. Popularized by Kasey Kahne.
  • JPMSOQ: "Juan Pablo Montoya School of Qualifying." A driver qualifies in a position that is 1/2 the value of his car number. Popularized by Juan Pablo Montoya.
  • RCSOQ: "Ricky Craven School of Qualifying." Refers to a period when Craven drove the 32 and had the uncanny ability to qualify 32nd; hence, any driver whose qualifying position is the same as his car number.
Common driver nicknames (now and past)
  • A.J. Allmendinger: Ayjay; Humdinger
  • Greg Biffle: Zi Biff. Formerly known as the Bug-Eyed Dummy; Fungus; Piffle.
  • Dave Blaney: Cat Toy. Due to a serious fumble by an announcer in 2007.
  • Todd Bodine: Billiard Ball the Younger, known for the blinding light off his head in bright sunlight.
  • Clint Bowyer: Lanternjaw.
  • Jeff Burton: Jeffybuhton. Also occasionally Cat Toy, due to Caterpillar sponsorship (inherited from Dave Blaney).
  • Ward Burton: Wahd; Wahd Buhton. You have heard the man talk, right?
  • Kurt Busch: Dumbo. He stole the elephant's ears.
  • Kyle Busch: Shrub; Scrub. For those of you wondering, "scrub" is a type of desert vegetation, and the Busches are from Vegas.
  • Landon Cassill: Lando Cassillrian.
  • Chad Chaffin: Chafing Dish; Cha-Cha.
  • Carl Edwards: Flipper. If I have to explain this, you need to find a new sport.
  • Bill Elliott: Noisome Bill; He Who Will Not Retire.
  • David Gilliland: Gilly; Gillyweed. If you are unfamiliar with the term "gillyweed," please consult the nearest reader of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
  • Jeff Gordon: Jeffy; Jeffypoo.
  • Robby Gordon: Crash Gordon.
  • Jeff Green: Greenjeans. I never claimed these were imaginative.
  • Denny Hamlin: Damnlin; the Pied Whiner of Hamlin.
  • Kevin Harvick: Harprick. I used to really not like him.
  • Sam Hornish Jr.: Smash, due to his habit of hitting everything plus the pace car.
  • Jimmie Johnson: Jimsonweed.
  • Kasey Kahne: Kandy Kahne.
  • Matt Kenseth: Tofu; Evil!Kenseth. Nothing that bland is innocent.
  • Travis Kvapil: Waffle; the Dread Pyrate Waffle.
  • Joey Logano: Stale Bread; Stale Roll; Locarno; Mr. Ed, due to his unfortunate habit of always talking with a giant fake smile and making his teeth look, well, horselike.
  • Mark Martin: Ol’ Wrinkly; Needs Ironing; the Cryptkeeper; GoAwayGranddaddy.
  • Jeremy Mayfield: Germy. That's how Benny Parsons pronounced it.
  • Jamie McMurray: McMerry. Always happy. And also, in the case of Benny Parsons, always mispronounced.
  • Casey Mears: Snrch, due to NOL's habit of abbreviating his sponsors by removing vowels. Formerly Ca-say da Tar-zhay.
  • Paul Menard: Sideburns. Have you seen those things?
  • Juan Pablo Montoya: Juan Paolo Mantoy. Thanks, Larry Mac.
  • Tony Raines: Good Tony. Because he is not, of course, the Bad Tony, that being Tony Stewart.
  • David Reutimann: Root.
  • Scott Riggs: Riggsy.
  • Elliott Sadler: Ellyut.
  • Johnny Sauter: Sauterkraut; Johnny Slaughter.
  • Mike Skinner: Spinner.
  • Tony Stewart: Bluto.
  • Martin Truex: Trufax. Stolen shamelessly from loldrivers.
  • Brian Vickers: Teh Squish. It is the opinion of many that Vickers is eminently squishable, for various reasons.
  • Mike Wallace: Misogyny Mike. Due to an incident several years back where he decided a female driver had no business on the track and therefore punted her.
  • Scott Wimmer: Sot Wimmer. Due to a certain drunk-driving incident while employed at Bill Davis Racing; also due to his habit to crash into cars with alcoholic sponsors.
  • JJ Yeley: Teh Squash. So named because of his habit to get up close and personal with walls.

Nicknames of other key personnel
  • Joe Gibbs: Preacher Gibbs.
  • Chad Knaus: K-naus.
  • Ryan Pemberton: Pemboy.
  • Greg Zipadelli: Zippy.

  • Raoul: The untamed mass of hair atop Jimmie Johnson's head, first sighted in 2008 and commonly believed to be an alien intelligence. Scalped near midseason. Hopes remain high for his recovery.
  • Francisco: The scruff on Jimmie Johnson's face, first sighted in 2009.
  • The Goats: The Famous Fainting Goats owned by David Ragan.

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