Current mood:	awake
Current music:	Stargate: Atlantis
Entry tags:	2008, atlanta

Pole Follies: Atlanta

Apologies for the manglin' of Waylon, but I couldn't resist. This is #10 for the season, you know.

1. (48) Jimmie Johnson, Chevrolet, Lowe's/Kobalt Tools

I'm ready for a new movie now. Preferably one with tamer hair.

2. (16) Greg Biffle, Ford, DISH Network Turbo HD

If they insist on turbo-izing their dishes, maybe they can give us Christmas commercials with Biffle sledding down the slopes in a satellite dish.

3. (31) Jeff Burton, Chevrolet, AT&T Mobility

If I didn't know better, I'd think Mother Nature had hired Waterworks as an apprentice.

4. (99) Carl Edwards, Ford, Office Depot

Apparently lower prices do not sit well with Flippers.

5. (07) Clint Bowyer, Chevrolet, Jack Daniel's

NOL had an exhaustive story on the modern firesuit this week. In it, we learn that Bowyer has a fear of wedgies.

6. (29) Kevin Harvick, Chevrolet, Shell/Pennzoil

Psst, Kevin. You're starting right behind Flipper. This would be an excellent time for a little vengeance.

Don't want to call it vengeance? Okay. How about a "welcome to the world of marriage" punt?

7. (24) Jeff Gordon, Chevrolet, Nicorette White Ice Mint/DuPont

The mere name of that sponsor is making me fear the paint scheme.

8. (20) Tony Stewart, Toyota, The Home Depot

I just had the strangest little couplet pop into my head:

Bluto, Bluto on the wall
Who's the orangest one of all?

I can't figure out why he's on the wall, though. Unless there's also a fence.

9. (88) Dale Earnhardt Jr., Chevrolet, National Guard/AMP Energy

Betting is now open: will Junior dodge the Goodyear bullet two races in a row?

10. (17) Matt Kenseth, Ford, USG Sheetrock

You know, there's a driver/sponsor pairing I can get behind.

11. (11) Denny Hamlin, Toyota, FedEx Express

Finally got that RCSOQ pinned down, did you?

12. (18) Kyle Busch, Toyota, M&M's Halloween

Oh, come on. We all know that for Scrub, every day is Halloween. If he had to go around without that mask to hide his ugly mug....

13. (6) David Ragan, Ford, AAA Insurance

I've been doing a lot of genealogical research this week, and I couldn't help but notice that a whole branch of Brnaids married into a whole clan of Ragans. I shall have to pursue.

The lead. Pursue the lead. Geesh.

14. (8) Mark Martin, Chevrolet, U.S. Army

I wonder if all this humidity helps the wrinkles, or not.

15. (9) Kasey Kahne, Dodge, Budweiser

*mutter* *grumble* *growl* Ruining my music for me, you non-dancing little stick figure....

16. (1) Martin Truex Jr., Chevrolet, Bass Pro Shops/Tracker

Yesterday I saw a truck that I'm 85% sure belonged to a Truex fan.

No, really! Trufax!

17. (12) Ryan Newman, Dodge, Kodak

This week, the role of the blue Alltel car will be played by a loud yellow-and-red vehicle.

18. (83) Brian Vickers, Toyota, Red Bull

The team obviously did not want to get Teh Squish a good birthday present, and so therefore incurred the wrath of NASCAR.

19. (2) Kurt Busch, Dodge, Miller Lite

How is Dumbo this high in the points when every time we see him he's hitting the wall, popping a tire, or having an unscheduled pit stop?

20. (26) Jamie McMurray, Ford, Crown Royal

Does he take that dog everywhere?

21. (43) Bobby Labonte, Dodge, Cheerios/Betty Crocker

Well, it's better than getting between Jamie and Ellyut, I guess.

22. (5) Casey Mears, Chevrolet, CARQUEST/Kellogg's

Report: Many sports reporters scolded by editors for claiming that Hendrick has four cars in top 6 at Martinsville; consensus is "Everybody knows there's Junior, Jeff, and Jimmie and nobody else"

Report: Mears fans wail and gnash teeth

23. (19) Elliott Sadler, Dodge, Ronald McDonald House Charities

Wow. You've not only lost your McMerry, you're behind Snrch. Dude.

24. (42) Juan Pablo Montoya, Dodge, Texaco/Havoline

The Mantoy continues to clutch the CMPSOQ tightly.

25. (28) Travis Kvapil, Ford, Hitachi Power Tools

Who needs power tools? My Waffle can take out a window screen with just one lunge.

Um. That would be the feline Waffle, not the human Waffle.

I've had a rough week, okay?

26. (44) David Reutimann, Toyota, UPS

I got nothing on Root.

27. (15) Paul Menard, Chevrolet, Johns Manville/Menards

Report: For Halloween, Menard will dress up as a man with normal facial hair.

28. (38) David Gilliland, Ford, Aflac Cancer Center

Wait. The duck has cancer? Has this been announced before?

29. (55) Michael Waltrip, Toyota, NAPA AUTO PARTS

Report: If somebody doesn't figure out that "auto parts" does not need to be capitalized by next year, Intrepid Pole Follies reporter may attack MWR with red pen.

30. (41) Reed Sorenson, Dodge, Target/Lysol

Lysol? And Germy Mayfield isn't here to enjoy it.

31. (66) Scott Riggs, Chevrolet, Hunt Brothers Pizza

Somebody needs to hire Riggs.

32. (01) Regan Smith, Chevrolet, DEI/Principal Financial Group

Regan got some airtime last week. Two weeks in a row.

He not only exists, he really truly most sincerely exists.

33. (22) Dave Blaney, Toyota, Caterpillar

BLANEY!

34. (84) Scott Speed, Toyota, Red Bull

At least you're in the right sport for the name.

35. (7) Robby Gordon, Dodge, Jim Beam
36. (77) Sam Hornish Jr., Dodge, Mobil 1

Whose bright idea was it to mix Crash, Hornish, and liquor? Caution, pace lap.

37. (21) Bill Elliott, Ford, U.S. Air Force

Nothing on Noisome Bill.

38. (47) Marcos Ambrose, Toyota, Little Debbie

I'll have the Swiss Rolls, delivered by the Aussie, my place, stat.

39. (10) A.J. Allmendinger, Dodge, Sears Auto Center/Valvoline

There is no Le Favorite Frenchyperson. But there is an Allmendinger. I'm torn.

40. (96) Ken Schrader, Toyota, DLP HDTV

Schrader!

41. (45) Chad McCumbee, Dodge, Marathon American Spirit Motor Oil

A decent PR gang would have been able to cram a few more adjectives in that name, don't you think?

42. (78) Joe Nemechek, Chevrolet, Furniture Row Racing

Not the front row, Joe.

43. (70) Tony Raines, Chevrolet, Haas Automation

Yay! *waves Good Tony flag*

Did Not Qualify

(40) Bryan Clauson, Dodge, The Guitar Hero World Tour/Target

Does this mean we don't get footage of various NASCAR drivers playing air guitar?

(02) Joey Logano, Toyota, The Home Depot

*is not gloating, grinning, chortling, or otherwise acting amused*